Search This Blog

Friday, August 27, 2010

I've been gone a long time...

...and I'm sure you've all missed me sooooooo much.

I think it's been almost 3 months since my last blog post and I'm surprised to see that I have not dropped any followers, for which I thank you all.

So you ask, "Where have you been? What have you been doing?"

Well the answer is, NOTHING. I've been doing a whole lot of nothing...and loving it. My free time consists of video games and TV shows. My days are as follows-->School...videogames...TV shows...sleep and repeat.

Some people would say, "Dude, that's totally lame and uber-boring."

To which I respond, "Yes, it probably is totally lame, but it's not uber-boring."

When is the last time you scored a hat-trick in the English Premiere League? When's the last time you saved the universe from an alien invasion? When's the last time you traveled to another plane and closed portals which allowed hordes of foreign creatures to roam the earth? When is the last time you found the secret treasure of Pandora and bathed in gold? When is the last time you won the Super Bowl? When is the last time you were an immortal human searching for his memory and saving the earth from a domineering arch-mage?

These are all things I've done from the comfort of my living room couch, it's been lovely.

When I blog I typically have something in my head that needs to come out and I like to leave my readers with something to think about or at least something to laugh about...I don't like to force a post, as I am currently doing, but I wanted people to know I'm alive since I've been away so long.

In an attempt to salvage your time I may have wasted I will leave you with an excerpt from my past in an attempt to achieve smiles and laughs.

The summer before the 3rd grade I got a brand new bike. It was kickin' and I'm pretty sure all the neighborhood kids were way jealous. I road my bike to my good buddies house every day multiple times to hang out and play "The ultimate Nacho" which was a game very similar to King of the Hill which we made up...whoever was on top of the hill was the Ultimate Nacho. Anyways, I had been to my buddies house so many times that I figured I could ride my bike home with my eyes closed. Afterall, it is only about 200 yards away. I decided to give it a shot and I ran into a mailbox about 30 yards into my ride. I ran the rest of the way home with my bike and busted into the house with blood gushing out of my hand. I told my mom that my shoestrings got caught in the pedals and I fell and hit a mailbox. She grabbed my sister and rushed me to the ER and I got a bunch of stitches and everything worked out fine. We got home and my little sister screamed and yelled at me until her voice went hoarse because her chicken nuggets were cold.

...I hope to never get yelled at like that again...stupid chicken nuggets.

-Ultimate Nacho

Friday, June 4, 2010

Holy crap...

Alright, so I'm on a clinical rotation for Physical Therapy for a brief 3 weeks...I'm renting a small apartment in middle-of-no-where Illinois. It obviously wasn't an option to set up cable and internet for 3 weeks.

So, when you've got no cable, a super weak internet connection from a house 40 yards away (yes everyone, that means no youtube), you don't know anyone in the area, and it's a small town with nothing exciting going on, what do you do?

Well, let me tell you what I do.

When I get back from work I sit in a recliner and play Mass Effect 2 for about 6 hours a night.

So, when you've got 1 week left on your clinical and you've beaten Mass Effect 2, what do you do?

I don't have a fucking clue...I'm bored to death...that's right folks, I'm dieing out here.

I beat Mass Effect 2 about two hours ago and I've been laying on a couch listening to music while I wait for internet pages to load. I'm literally amazed that I was able to make it this far without losing connection.

I'm afraid of the things I might turn to for entertainment this weekend. Someone may find me dead on the floor because I thought if I tried hard enough I could climb the walls and stick to the ceiling.

I might take to racing cars that drive by, on foot of course...but that will most likely end in disappointment.

Maybe I'll convince myself that meditating for hours on end will turn me into some sort of pure superhuman entity...

Someone...please...tell me what to do before I go nuts...

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Color coderation

I think I will one day create a program which can sense emotion as the writer types on their lappy. I believe that this is possible because different emotions cause electrical signals from different parts of the brain. If you can trace the signal it is possible to discover the emotion, maybe. The emotions will then be displayed as various colors.

Blue: Sadness has overcome me

Red: I'm hella pissed and someone needs to hear about it

Yellow: I'm unsure as to whether or not the person I'm talking to likes me so I'm going to write an an obscure color with a white background so the reader must squint or get close to their computer to read it. That way if they continue to read my messages I know they are dedicated to our relationship. (thank you readers)


Green: I'm envious of your newest coolest thing in the world

Orange: This is my happy face, the color orange is always happy and tastes happy too.

Pink: Spoken softly, I'm feeling a bit shy at the moment

Brown: I'm being bold, like a hero, I will save you from the horrors of the internet.

Purplesaurus Rex: I love you, you love me, we're a happy family (or will be one day, after-all, we're in love)

Greyish: Sarcasm, quite possibly the most important because no one likes when you can't tell if someone is really upset with you...or if they are just messing around.

Black: Pretty darn classic, or undecided, or boring, who knows? It's a mystery color...by matter of fact it is an absence of color, so I'm probably feeling nothing.


White: I'm such a mess of emotion that you can't even see me right now!! I'm feeling everything...because I'm all colors at this moment.

This program will stop the confusion that can be spread through text in conversation. It will probably save many relationships and win me some sweet awards or something awesome.

Yup, this is going to be my new invention. It will make me a lot of money. That pleases me. You will probably all be really jealous and quite possibly upset, which makes me sad because I don't want that. So I will make it affordable so everyone remains pleasant and then no one will be angry.

This joins my list of good ideas...right next to Bottom of the Bowl Milk and Glow in the dark Gum (may have already been created)

Friday, April 30, 2010

Bloggerstock: The internet ate my...

Alright folks, the time is here, Bloggerstock--Round 1!
With great pleasure I introduce to you Alex, from IceWolf's Ramblings. Alex is a graduate from Ithaca with a B.F.A. in Theater Production Arts: Technology. Currently he works as a master electrician for Pioneer Theater. His hobbies include photography, enjoying the outdoors, hiking, biking, skiing and camping, but don't get your hopes up ladies, he's taken! If you enjoy photo, theatre, and life in general I strongly advise you to check out Alex's blog.

I also have written a post with the same title, I am privileged to have my post on display at Ella Unread's captivating blog (highly recommended), From the STUPIDEST corner of my mind, check it out!

And now I present to you, "The internet ate my..." by Alex Wiesman.

bloggerstock badge

Well, here it is folks, the first topic from the Bloggerstock "round robin." I didn't really know where to go with this topic, it seems like a topic that has a lot of points of attack. I could go with a completely fictional story, which could be kinda fun, or I could go with my traditional blogging style of musing about and meandering around the topic just to see where it goes. Odds are the latter is where I will end up.

Life is short and yet here I am sitting in front of the computer. I spend a lot of time sitting in front of the computer and most of that time is spent surfing the internet. We have access to basically the entire world at our finger-tips, some might say that you don't really ever have to leave your home to experience much of the world.

It is an interesting topic that I seem to drift back to every now and then. As a blogger the internet does eat up a lot of my time. Then there are the other internet commitments that I have including being a forum moderator for a theatre forum and setting up the Bloggerstock web presence. It is kind of ironic that I keep interrupting my writing of this blog post with other things to do on the internet!

That only the tip of the iceberg though. While I try to do a lot of local shopping and such, sometimes it is a lot easier and often cheaper to buy things online. I buy things not only for myself but also for work from various places around the nets. Sometimes I buy things from vendors who turn up in a Google search who I really have no idea who they are. When you actually sit down and think about it, that is kind of crazy. Even ten years ago people would really have a hard time buying from vendors they knew nothing about, today we do it all the time.

Now consider how much of ourselves and our lives we put online. As bloggers, we often just lay it all out there. Then consider that almost everyone and their mother (literally) has a Facebook or MySpace page (or one of the other wannabe social networks). It is almost impossible to sneeze without the entire digital world knowing about it. It is just very interesting that we live so public lives these days and we are totally OK with it (for the most part anyway).

So, what has the internet eaten? Well, for starters, I think that it is slowly eating away at inter-personal relationships. So many people find it so much easier to "make friends" online rather than in person. It really amazes me that people turn to online services like eHarmony to find their "soulmate." Heaven forbid you actually talk to someone in person. Why do people think that finding a person to spend their lives with with easier and/or better online?

Why do people find it easier to communicate in such an impersonal setting? Shouldn't we still teach and learn how to interact on a personal level? This is why I think that it is important to actually get out and do things with other people. Sitting at home on you game console playing against your friend across the street is kinda silly. Why play Wii sports instead of getting your friends together to go bowling or play baseball? Why do people play "games" like Second Life?

The internet is a great thing, a powerful tool, and useful. I think that we just need to remember that it isn't real life. The internet is eating society and I think that we should be a little concerned. Get out, enjoy the world every now and then!


Enjoying bloggerstock? You can head over to IceWolf's Ramblings to read another take on this topic. Who knows you may also like some of my other posts!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The dance of the ninja squid

It’s not easy growing up in the depths of the northeast Pacific. You’ve got to be able to defend yourself; it’s not like those parts south of here with their ritzy coral houses and friendly neighborhood ocean patrol. No, here in the N-E-P you vouch for yourself, you watch your back because you don’t know who or what is just around the algae patch.

As a squid it’s even worse. The underground drug deals run rampant and the hottest drug on the market, Black Ice, is made by refining squid ink. That makes us a target. The gangbangers run the drift searching for squid like me, harvesting their ink by squeezing the life right out of them.

I didn’t want to live in fear, so I did something about it; I found Murwey, rather, he found me.

You see, I have this job, it may not be the easiest or safest way to make pearl but it pays the bills and provides shrimp for my little ones, or as I call them, my squeegees. Little did I know it would cost me more than it’s worth, my mate.

I work for a delivery service that runs goods and supplies into the local slums, real rough areas littered with gangbangers. I encountered some not-so-friendly folk, a group of barracudas looking to jack my supplies and sell them on the black market for profit.

I was surrounded, they were closing in. I had no option, I laid down the supplies and offered it to them, but that wasn’t all they wanted. They wanted me, my ink. I looked to bolt and tried to jet but a shot of pain was sent up a tentacle. Blood diffused through the water as my appendage was cut short and part held firmly in the mouth of an adversary, this was it, there was no escape.

A swarm of tentacles filled the surrounding area and suddenly I float alone in the vast expanse. A cloaked figure, eight arms strong approached me, passed to me a flattened, hardened piece of algae with etchings stating a location, and left as quick as it appeared.

I finished my delivery; they needed the goods, regardless of how I felt. I’d have my limb back in a month, no worse for the wear.

I returned home, made up a story, and my mate patched me up so we could be ready to go out to dinner for the annual delivery awards. I was being featured as “Most reliable”, third year running.

It was a special night. I left the little ones with my sister and called upon a transport dolphin to deliver us to the banquet. The banquet was housed inside a large wooden structure; we don’t know what it is, a gift from above I suppose.

As we rode I gazed deeply at my companion. She was perfect, everything I dreamed for in a mate: Glistening, deep eyes, dark amber flesh, elegant tentacles, and fertile to boot; we were expecting...my 3rd patch of squeegees.

Our dolphin screamed to a halt, a blue streak darted in front of him. He bucked hard, tossing us from his dorsum. They were back; you don’t cross the barracudas without retaliation.

1, 2, 3...how many? I couldn’t tell, they’re all too quick. Then... Photobucket...and... Photobucket....A shrill was sent up my spine, and she was gone.

My cold blood boiled, my anger built, my hatred summated...then it stopped. I filled with grief. I broke; I couldn’t be put back together. They took my all, my everything and I was left there alone, helpless.

I trudged home, every boost through the water left me drained. I felt heavy, heavy as I’ve ever felt. I found my sister, told her it wasn’t safe for the kids to be with me and left her with them, I had no choice. I didn’t have the heart to tell them, I couldn’t.

I made my way to the location left to me on the algae; I had nowhere else to go. He was there, cloaked in black and approached, “I suppose you fear for your life.”

“No, I fear for those who broke my spirit, for they know not the wrath they’ve brought upon themselves.”

I disappeared for 50 high tides and emerged a different squid. Beaten and battered, I’d endured more pain than I thought imaginable, but I lived and that did not bode well for my adversaries.

I knew where to go, the place off limits to the likes of me, the abyss beyond safety, a larvae’s worst nightmare, the Deep Void; the barracudas perilous haven.

I arrived several tides later; I had snuck beneath their cover. I wasn’t interested in petty criminals, I sought the source, and I knew where to find it. I wove through their defenses with ease, all the way to their holding pens, my point of interest. Behind a stone I float, counting the guards; less than I expected, 5 in total.

I meandered to the middle of the outcropping, surrounded individual pens, each holding a brethren. I wanted the guards to see me. I wanted them to come to me; in fact, I needed them to.

I caught their attention and they slowly swam toward, chuckling in delight, for what was one lowly squid going to do? They mocked me, bad decision.

“What’re you thinking coming out here? You know there’s nothing but pain for you. Your days end here hero.”

I scanned the cells, desperately searching for my mate, knowing that they would keep her alive with cheap krill until she had no ink left to give, and they did, I spotted her.

I closed my eyes, listened to the ocean, and felt every vibration through the water, “Come.”

They dashed forward with lightning speed; but their clumsy, I heard their every movement and felt their presence. Swish, swoosh, drop, dash...an aqueous symphony providing a visual map of where they are and where they’ll be. I burst aside, last second, leaving them befuddled.

“Again,” I spoke. Whoosh, whip, swash...I readied myself as they neared.

With a swirl I duck beneath their vice-like snaps and arise with a flurry of blows, catching each squarely on their skull, crushing their brains beneath shards of razor sharp bone.

5 drop, and reinforcements arrive...“Begin.”

Splash, swoosh, swash...a choir of coordinates gave me the advantage as a vortex of tentacles swarm the scrambling creatures and each strikes true.

I open my eyes for an instant, to catch a glimpse of her cell and our glances connect....

....the music still plays and the dance continues.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Spring and Summer Nights

Swimsuits, sunny days, short skirts, song birds, nature trails, extended hours, and better oranges.

These are a few of my favorite things about spring/summer but now that I spend a whole lot of time in the library as opposed to outdoors experiencing the warmth I've grown a new appreciation for the spring and summer nights. The sights and sounds are soothing, which is especially nice after spending hours in the library thinking, "books and notes are so lame I'd like to chop them into millions of pieces and make millions of tiny paper fighter jets that would shoot each other down leaving only one plane as the victor. To celebrate the victory the lone plane will be shrouded in flames, the smoke inhaled. The contents of the gases will be absorbed into my blood which will eventually make its way to my brain, pass the blood brain barrier, and be exchanged for metabolic waste. This way the knowledge contained within the letters on the piece of paper which was made into the victorious fighter jet will be absorbed into my brain for recall later. Obviously this will be the most important tidbit of info from my notes, otherwise the plane wouldn't have won, it just makes sense."

I oft make multiple laps around campus on my way back from the library at night to experience serenity and clear my head which apparently is a healthy decision.

Monday, March 29, 2010

In my dreams I get chased by a bouncing vampire head while I drive away in a pinto

It’s messed up, but it’s true. I’m not sure where I got the pinto or if I’m the one who severed the head of the vampire but it’s a reoccurring dream that I’ve had probably 6-7 times. I wouldn’t call it a nightmare, cause it’s kinda awesome actually. Eventually I find myself driving to a giant, metal, colossal tyrannosaurs rex being constructed by dwarves. The dwarves live inside of the t-rex. I guess home is where the heart is and I have really tasty blood that is so desirable that even if I cut the head of a vampire they will still pursue me, and with great speed might I add, I can’t even escape in a vehicle.